A New Chaos
by Alexandria Greylove
Summary: Yennefer has been sold by her stepfather and brought to Aretuza by a woman who bought her for less than the cost of a pig. She and Tissaia start off on far less than good terms, but things take a drastic turn when Yennefer begins to experience a new kind of chaos growing within her. Yennefer & Tissaia relationship. Rated M for sexual content, violence, and abuse.
1. Chapter 1

Hi there! Thanks for giving my story a read. I am really excited to explore the relationship of these characters and am even more excited to share my work with all of you. All feedback is more than welcomed - I hope you will let me know what you think via the comments section and DMs. Enjoy!

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CHAPTER 1

I watched her pace stoically through the botany room, watching the class as we struggled to properly de-thorn the poisonous herbs from the days morning lecture. Above us was a glass ceiling that painted the room in a kaleidoscope of colors, each providing just the precise amount of light for the various plants to grow properly. My eyes followed her too long and she took notice, pausing under a hue of blue and white light. Strange, I had never noticed her eyes look so alive before. _Shit - she's looking at me._

"Perhaps it would suit you better to complete this lab in a dark room without distraction, Piglet" she said. There was no question in Tissaia's voice, but her eyes showed amusement.

"Thank you, I would welcome the daytime slumber. Though the light sleep you lulled us to with this mornings lecture was quite lovely" I quipped. The room fluttered with muffled laughter, stifled by my classmates trying to hide their faces. Tissaia's eyes went blank, all life and humor draining from them.

"Excuse yourself from my presence, Piglet, I will deal with you later. Do not bother attending dinner and do not leave your room" she said, shooting daggers at the other girls with her eyes. The room quieted instantly as I began my exit, taking special care not to trip over my feet as I made haste.

"Do not trip on your way out" she said, as if reading my mind. The undertones of her voice made it sound as if there was genuine concern there. _Well I should shake that thought from my mind. It is just like she said, no one could ever love me._

I slowed my pace as I walked the long halls back to my room. My cell. Upon entering it, I was reminded of the other prison that has always confined me, the mirror on the wall a constant reminder of what I lack. I wish she would take it down but each time I shatter it, I return back to a newly replaced one. As if I need to see myself, like I don't already know what a beast I am. Now I break it simply to feel the control that comes with destroying something that will again be replaced, however minimal and fleeting it may be.

I did not attempt to stop the tears that began to stream down my twisted face. Instead I simply laid and allowed them to soak my pillow until I fell into sleep.

* * *

When I awoke, I sensed that I was being held before my eyes had opened.

"You really must learn to control your destructive urges" Tissaia said, brushing the loose hair from my face. I shot up, startled by the feeling of her warm arms around me.

"If you would stop replacing it, I would need not break it again" I stated. "In case you were unsure, I am aware of what a monster I am".

"I am not just talking about the mirror. I am talking about everything. Why do you fight me at every turn? Something as simple as paying attention and completing a lab seems to be impossible for you…" Tissaia said.

"I WAS paying attention!" I argued.

"No. No you were not - you were staring at me" she countered.

I did so again in that moment, as I had no rebuttal, I was indeed watching her. It had been going on for weeks, no matter how I tried to break myself of the habit. I was drawn to her and there was no explanation for it in my mind. She was beautiful and strong, her eyes told a story that I could not quite fathom to ask about. After a life of avoiding anyone's gaze, I could not explain it but I wanted to be near to her, to look into those eyes indefinitely. Suddenly, I could feel the heat rising in my face as blood rushed to my cheeks.

"You are doing it again, Yennefer" she said, tilting her head to the side as she looked at me. The light returned to her eyes, and a small smile graced her lips. _She called me by my name, she's never done that before. Hardly anyone has. Fuck. My face is on fire. _

"What do you want from me?" I asked, turning away from her to the mantle behind me.

"I want you to tell me why you watch me." She explained.

"You are supposed to be so powerful, why don't you just figure it out?" I asked without lifting my eyes from the mantle.

"Oh I certainly have but I would prefer to hear you say it." Tissaia said with a slight laugh.

"I cannot." I stated.

"Yes you can, Yennefer" she said.

"No I cannot. I cannot explain it. It makes no sense." I said shortly. "I am sorry" I said, closing my eyes to prevent the tears of frustration from running down my face.

She gasped quietly behind me, as if a lantern had just been lit in a dark room. "Of course. You cannot put a word to it because you have yet to experience it before."

"Experience what? What is happening?" I asked, turning around. Her face had changed from its humorous expression to one of understanding. I had never seen her look so soft and kind before.

She then extended her hand out towards me and said: "Take my hand, Yennefer. There are things we must discuss."


	2. Chapter 2

We walked through the upper levels of Aretuza slowly, at a pace slightly too slow, even for me. I studied her face as discreetly as I could along the way. Tissaia's eyes were serious now, her brow furrowed as if she were deep in contemplative thought.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked. She paused and took a moment before turning to look at me. Her grasp on my hand loosened but for a second, only to intertwine her fingers with my own. _The warmth of her hand is so soothing. _She smiled again, lightly.

"There is... a kind of chaos growing within you, Yennefer. It is not a kind of chaos that can be taught, it is a kind that can only be understood by you in your own time as it grows - for it touches so few within their lifetime. I… I can help you understand the lesson, but I cannot put a name to it for you. That you must do yourself when enlightenment comes to you. Do you understand?" Tissaia's gaze was locked onto my own as she asked.

"I think so" I said cautiously. "You can teach me about it, but you cannot tell me what it is. Is that right?" I inquired.

"Yes, that is correct" she nodded as she spoke. We reached her bedroom quarters as she answered my question. "Over the next few months, you and I will learn much about one another. The things I ask of you may not make sense in the present but they will in the future if you give them the chance to."

"I trust you, rectress." I told her.

"You may call me Tissaia outside of your group trainings."

"Oh, okay... Tissaia." I said more cautiously than I intended to.

"Come now, try to relax. You may find me less terrifying than most people believe I am." She said, looking amused again. "What would you like for dinner? Anything you desire, I can conjure up. Your pick tonight."

"I am not sure. Anything is fine for me." The other girls enjoyed whispering under their breath about the food at Aretuza being less than ideal. I was just happy not to be sharing slop with the pigs. Although they were much kinder company than my father, despite their smell.

"Well what is your favorite meal?" Tissaia inquired. I had to think about it.

"I like warm bread and soup" I shrugged. She laughed. I stared at my shoes, feeling unbelievably small.

"Oh dear girl, there is so much you have yet to experience. I apologize, I am not truly laughing at you, I swear it." She placed two fingers under my chin and lifted until my eyes met hers. "Is that truly what you think of when a decent meal crosses your mind?"

"I… I usually ate with the pigs. When father was away my mother would try to sneak me scraps but he kept a close eye. He said there was no point in feeding a beast like a child." I tried to break her stare but I could not. It was like a window had been opened that I could not close. _She is reading me._

"Do not do that!" I pulled back and turned away from her. I hoped she had not seen too much of my life before Aretuza. The only thing worse than her knowing the cruelty I had experienced would be her pity.

"I will not pity you, Yennefer. We have more in common than I would care to admit." She said, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"What do you mean Tissaia?" I asked, turning around.

"Another time, perhaps. You are safe now, Yennefer. No one will hurt you again, not whilst I still draw breath. That is a promise." She brushed the hair out of my face. "Now come. Tonight I will show you what a real meal is."

That night I ate better than I ever had. Roasted leg of lamb, seasoned potatoes, fresh fruit, and warm pie. Tissaia told me about some of her travels before becoming Rectress of Aretuza, about the time she was swallowed whole by a beast off of the coast after a shipwreck, and about a hidden field of purple flowers up in a mountain valley that matched the color of my eyes. I told her I would love to see that field someday - and she said perhaps we would go together.


	3. Chapter3

In the weeks that followed our dinner, things began to change. Just as she said, I was finding Tissaia less and less terrifying by every hour we spent together. She was really quite funny and knew how to have much more fun than one would have anticipated.

Perhaps the biggest two surprises were that she loved ale - and dancing once she has become quite drunk off of it. One afternoon, she took me to one of the restricted towers in Aretuza. The room was littered with souvenirs from her travels, I recognized many of them from her stories. In each of the corners stood a large barrel of ale, doubling as shelves for a scattering of books and knickknacks. I learned that it was only restricted because it was hers, as she had won it in a standoff with an old rectress decades ago while she was still only a student.

"You see, Yennefer, you were not the first student to raise hell at Aretuza. And Rectress Claudia was a bitch." Tissaia laughed as she took another swig of ale and danced through the room, a fiddle playing itself atop one of the window sills. My face must have showed how shocked I was at her admission because she paused to look at me, and burst out laughing.

"Oh come now. Even I like to have fun now and then. Not that people dying in the process is my usual go-to…" She looked amused again.

"You… you killed your rectress?" I inquired. Tissaia always seemed a little frightening but I would not have pegged her as the murdering type.

"Dear girl, let us have a talk. Have ale with me!" A pint of ale was pressed firmly into my hand. I got the feeling it was not a request, so I took a large sip - and almost spit it out. "Be sure to swallow, trust me, it makes the second drink much easier to down." I swallowed hard.

"This tastes worse than pig slop, Tissaia." I admitted. She rolled her eyes and grabbed a vas from the window ledge, sitting us down on a cushioned bench.

"Here, try this instead." She swapped my pint out for a glass of red liquid. I cautiously took a small sip. It was sweet like juice, but with more of an edge to it. I took a large swig.

"Ah, you are a wine-drinker. It would figure." Tissaia laughed lightly as I took another swig. "I can keep some for you so long as you are discreet with the others, they are not allowed it."

"Of course. I do not tell them anything about what we do, I expected it may cause… problems if they were to know." I said, nonchalantly.

"Smart girl. Though you should slow down on the wine, you have not had it before. I do not desire you ill." She said, lightly pulling the glass away from my face. "Wait until the warmth starts settling in before you have more." Her hand patted my face gently.

"Alright. So are you going to tell me about how you killed your rectress?" I asked, eyebrows raised.

"For the record, I did not kill her. I simply bested her… and she died as a result." A mischievous grin pulled at Tissaia's lips. "She was unnecessarily cruel, especially to me…" Her voice trailed off as if her mind had shifted elsewhere.

"Go on, please." I urged.

"You see, I was much like you before coming to Aretuza. I had scars, physical in nature and otherwise. As the eldest of my six siblings and being the only daughter of an ill mother and drunkard father, he passed certain… duties along to me after her passing. Do you understand what I am saying, Yennefer?" She questioned. I nodded quietly. I knew all too well the feeling of hands finding their ways across bed mats and into undergarments.

"I was eleven when it started, too young to completely understand what was happening. He used to work in the stables but eventually could not stay sober enough to work any longer. So he put me to work on my knees to pay his debts, to get his drink, and to perhaps feed my siblings if there was ever anything left over. One night after spending a particularly long time at the pub, he was unable to pay for what he had drunk. He brought the pub owner and five of his friends home - to pay with me instead. Told them they could have whatever they wanted with me. They pinned me down and began to tear at my clothes and that's when it happened - I screamed and it triggered a chaotic event, setting the house on fire, killing all of them. While trying to escape, I got knocked out by a falling beam. When I awoke, I was on fire. A villager saw my hand reaching out and dragged me from the house into the stream nearby. Almost half of my body was burned." She was the one staring at her shoes now.

"Tissaia, I am so sorry." I did not know what else I could say. No words I knew of could be a comfort. I put an arm around her shoulders.

"The village doctor cared for me until my wounds healed but then sent me on my way. He had not the means to care for a child, especially one as disfigured as I was. I was lucky he did not see fit to simply let me die. Claudia eventually tracked me down while I was stealing and sleeping in barns. She brought me here." Tissaia said with a sad smile.

"What did she do to you?" I asked.

"Her main way of showing her authority was to find out the most hurtful ways to humiliate us. I was not some frightened girl, I had already seen too much to take her seriously. So she did the one thing she could to get to me. She read me and then told the whole class how many men I had been forced to… see, and encouraged the other girls to taunt me about it. And they did. For months.

"That is terrible." I was appalled. Tissaia could be mean, but never like that.

"I realized that the only way to get to her was to make her feel small - because the only thing she found validation in was making herself feel important. I had heard about this tower from whispers in the halls. One day I had enough of her torture and I challenged her for it. Won it fair and square. The shock of the loss gave her a heart attack. So you see, I did not truly kill her. I simply… helped her along." She nudged me with her shoulder. That mischievous smile was back.

"I see." I laughed lightly. "Would not have seen an issue if you had, just for the record."

"Oh? Well then I suppose I can start working through the rest of my hit list."

"I have a few names to add if you have the time to spare." I offered up. She got a real kick out of that.

"Perhaps I will ask you for those names someday, Yennefer. For now, why do we not just drink and dance?" She asked.

"Oh I cannot dance. I can drink the wine though." I said, bringing the glass back up to my lips.

"Nonsense! You are a little uneven, not dead, there is a strong difference. Trust me." Tissaia rose from the bench and reached her hand out. "Come, I shall teach you." And she did. By night's end, I was swaying to the music with her quite naturally. I did not want the evening to be over but when it was, we sat watching the moon together, my head resting on her chest as we drifted to sleep.


	4. Chapter4

CHAPTER 4

I awoke startled and shot up from my resting place in Tissaia's arms. In the distance I saw the culprit - a rain storm was moving in quickly over the water. Each time lightning struck, I felt a tingle in my hands, spreading upward through my being. The longer I watched the storm close in, the more I felt it call to me. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw that Tissaia was still in a deep slumber, likely induced by the amount of ale and wine she had consumed earlier in the evening. I began to count the seconds in between each strike of lightning. Eight seconds. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight! I reached my hand out and called to the lightning bolt shooting downward from the sky. I felt white hot heat as it made initial contact with my skin, willing it to stabilize within me until the burning ceased and in its place was a rotating sphere of lightning hovering in the palm of my hand. Behind me, a gasp. I turned to see that Tissaia had woken and was now standing, a shocked expression painting her face.

"You've caught lightning in your bare hands, do you know how rare such a strength is?" She asked, looking at me for some kind of explanation.

"I felt as though it was calling to me, so I called out to it. I do not know how to explain it, I am sorry" I said.

"There is nothing for you to apologize for. Now, try to focus. See if you can mould it." Tissaia instructed.

"Into what?" I asked.

"Whatever you want. Perhaps start with a simple image in your mind. Close your eyes and picture something. Once you have it in mind, focus on projecting that image into your hand so that the lightning may take its shape."

I closed my eyes and tried to think of something simple but my thoughts were too numerous to narrow down. When I opened my eyes, nothing about the sphere had changed. Frustrated, I closed my eyes again and tried to relax. I thought about the field of purple flowers Tissaia had told me of once, as I often did in training to center myself. It was the only beautiful thing I had ever been able to imagine. Suddenly, I felt my whole body begin to warm and my blood run like a spring stream.

"Oh my, Yennefer. Open your eyes." Tissaia urged. I opened my eyes to find the room blanketed in little purple hues of sparkling light, shaped like wildflowers.

"Did I get them right?" I asked.

"Yes you did. I must say I am more than impressed. Most find it difficult to catch lightning in a bottle and contain it within the glass walls. Many a mage has gone blind of trying. And then you simply skip the bottle and use your body instead. Astounding." She said, cocking her head to the side but holding eye contact.

"Surely you can do this too." I said, no question in my voice.

"It takes a certain kind of mage to bend the elements in such a way. I am not so gifted in that respect. The bottle, yes. This is… above my skill level." She said, slowly. I almost baulked. Tissaia is said to be one of the strongest mages in history, there is no possibility I could do something that she could not. I looked down at the flower hovering in my hand and an idea crossed my mind. I could feel her eyes studying me intently.

"Now you are the one who is staring." I said jokingly. Tissaia smiled lightly but said nothing as the blood rushed to her cheeks and they turned rosey. I crossed the room and stopped only when I was half a foot from her. "May I have your hand?" I asked. She hesitantly lifted her right hand and I slid my own underneath it so that it was cupping hers, the purple flower now hovering over her palm.

"I would reckon there is not one thing you cannot do, Tissaia de Vries." I said, my eyes meeting hers. Great, now I am blushing. Why am I blushing? It is happening again, that feeling. We held our stare for a long moment before she let the flower fall to the floor. Her hands quickly found their way to either side of my cheeks and she leaned in toward me, placing a gentle kiss on my lips. My body is on fire. Oh, this is what the village girls used to gossip about, which of the boys around town made them feel like this. But Tissaia is not a boy and neither am I. She kissed me again. I was frozen in place, with no place of reference for what to do. Or how to breathe.

"My dearest Yennefer, you must breathe or you shall collapse." Tissaia said, a smile taking over her lips. I inhaled quickly, she chuckled.

"Why me?" I asked breathlessly. Her head cocked to the side as if she did not understand my question. "Look at me. Why would you want me?" I started to drop my head but she would not have it.

"Matters of the heart seldom have much to do with matters of the shallow eye." She said, kissing me again. This time I let myself kiss her back, wrapping my arms around the small of her back. Her tongue lightly toyed with my lips, asking for access - access which I gave her, without question. When we broke free of the kiss, her eyes remained closed and a warm smile covered her lips. I reached out to touch them with the tips of my fingers. When her eyes opened they were full of emotion.

"How would you like to see those flowers in person tonight, Yennefer?" She asked. The seriousness in her eyes made me think there was hidden meaning in that question. So I took her hand spoke the truth.

"I will follow you anywhere."


End file.
